Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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