do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
