whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
