He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
