I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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