I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
