The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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