hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
