4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
