she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
