...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize