the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
