whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
