i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
