I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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