new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The air was thick with penises
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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