On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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