We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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