What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
