i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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