remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
