At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
