I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
