If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
