Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize