accomplished twins. life is a go
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
