Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
