she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
