I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
