The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
