Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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