everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
