I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
