you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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