It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
