I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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