Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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