I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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