4 words: hood of his car
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
