my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
