I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
