A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sarcasm needs its own font
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
