Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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