Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
