who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Randomize
