You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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