Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two words: blizzard sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
