I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
