Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
