I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
only if we run a train.
done.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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