i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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