Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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