those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Text me some of your sweat
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
