its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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