So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
