It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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