awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize