you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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