yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
