i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
