ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
