apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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