I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
