It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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