I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
