so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My vagina is very pro this idea
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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