Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
