Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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