im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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