kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
