maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
