Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
